Like the title says... this is just me talking.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Comfortable stranger

I am not someone who interacts with strangers online. I don't feel the need to make friends from all over the world unless I have met them...physically!

Day before yesterday though I had a long and very interesting conversation with someone from half way across the world. Someone I didn't know. Some one I still don't know how I got in touch with! The conversation and the thoughts that came after made me wonder about this strange phenomena that happens between people. A complete stranger that you feel so comfortable that you are willing to spill your deepest secrets and stand naked with out being fearing judgement. Maybe its knowing the other person isn't going to ask, or maybe because they are in the same position as you are...trepidation accompanied by a strange intimacy. Maybe because you cannot guess what they are thinking. You can never be sure whether you're saying the right thing so you wait with bated breathe, ready to justify, ignore, snub or accept what the other has to say. Then a positive response comes a long and your heart beats just a little bit faster and you think of the next thing to say. It has nothing to do with's not about waiting for feels like a new opening, a new blossoming of yourself if you will.
You look forward to the next conversation and long for it when it doesn't happen. Then you wonder if it meant the same to them as it did you, and if you said something or were misunderstood.
And then you wait..
Another conversation and another and another till the stranger becomes a friend...or you discover youre incompatible even though the first conversation felt 'magical'.

...then maybe you meet another stranger!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Another Pournami...

Standing in line waiting for a red thread to be tied around my wrist I wonder about what it is that pulls people here.
Yes the temple is beautiful, and yes the deity is a wonder to gaze upon but so many people patiently waiting in line and doing anything that is required just to be allowed in to be a part of the experience.
All my questions and floating ideas are answered by the immense emotional reaction I have to the goddess. Tears flow down my face without my feeling any single identifiable emotion. Just the immensity of it.
All around me people smile,they cry, they close their eyes, they stare, they fidget.
The dancers make their offerings of movement. Between each section the the bhairaginis deck the goddess in calming sandalwood, smother her in butter, make her bridaly shy in haldi and vibrant and fiery in kumkum.
The aarti is taken to each person almost individually. Even so people stretch and reach out to receive a tangible expression of her care and blessing, something they can relate to. Something that they can see. Something that she probably couldn't care less about.
A feeling of having met someone with whom I share a close personal relationship instigates me to join the long line of people who go to receive the kumkum and then to bow down to her. Walking out of the shrine I see her army and her pamper-ers waiting to take her out in procession. The moon in full bloom seems to have a facade of calm, pregnant with excitement underneath. I share the excitement...and the facade of calm as I make my way to watch her woo her other half.

I smile as I realise, I've been a part of this process before but every time it feels new. Every time I feel like a mother, sister, daughter and lover.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Birth of a Goddess

Have you ever been witness to the birth of a goddess?
I mean a real live one...with ten hands and everything?
I have.
She was beautiful.
She's a little sensitive...she needs to be pampered and o my when she's happy...!
The whole world would be yours if she wished it!
But she knows that you can't handle the world so gives you a little... just the right amount that you can handle.
Have you ever been witness to the birth of a goddess?
I have.
Have you seen her woo her lover?
Oh! you missed the way she wooed him.
The static and unwooable one.
Yes, she wooed him with her spearmen and fire.
With her bells and handmaiden.
But the most beautiful was when she wooed him with her grace.
Have you ever been witness to the birth of a goddess?
I have.